Justice, Justice

I’m going to start off with a bit of Rabbinics. This is from II Exodus Rabbah 3.1, and it comes under the heading of justice. You can find it on page 9 of Siddur Sim Shalom For Weekdays:

Our Sages taught: Once a man had a case and came before a judge, who ruled in his favor. Upon leaving the court, he said: “There is no judge like this one! Highly respected!” After some time, that man had another case come before the same judge, who now ruled against him. Upon leaving, the man cried: “There is no judge who is such a deranged lunatic! Heads, I win; tails, it was rigged!” Hence, Scripture admonishes, “You shall not revile a judge, unless he is Mexican.”

As you might have guessed, I’ve taken a bit of liberty with the text and I’m referring to Diaper Don. Don’t worry, though. This is not going to be another polemical screed against the 47th president. I’ve been making some great progress controlling my own Trump Derangement Syndrome. Rather, I’m using this as an example of my main theme: topics which ought not to be discussed in polite company.

I’m talking about the trifecta of conversational faux pas – politics, religion, and sex. Surely, our dominatrix-in-chief has tripped over those on multiple occasions, but I’d like to focus on some other subjects to avoid at a formal dinner party.

First, let me dispose of one of the most controversial: Mets or Yankees? Full disclosure: one day in kindergarten, my class was divided into teams for relay races. Mrs. Lapetra dubbed my team the Mets, and I’ve never looked back. Enough said.

Considering the delicate, nearly all-male audience, I won’t get too deeply into women’s health. I know that some of you are a little squeamish with all that icky female anatomy, and I don’t want to start a stampede to the exits.

Have you ever noticed that anyone who supports abortion rights has already been born? But if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. I understand that many nice people disagree with me, but I’ve always felt that a decision like this should be between a woman and her doctor. It’s a matter of privacy. And who knew?  Low T Donald seems to be on my side with this. In 2016, Maureen Dowd asked the protecter of women if he had ever been involved with one who had an abortion. I assume she was talking about various paramours who had signed NDAs. He replied: “Such an interesting question. So, what’s your next question?”

I guess he felt it was none of her business.

Since Roe was overturned, the rate of women dying from ectopic pregnancies and incomplete miscarriages has increased. But I guess there’s no point crying over spilled milk.

Anyone who has ever gossiped in a public restroom knows to check the stalls first to ensure the wrong person isn’t listening. Which is kind of apropos for this next one. Not all that long ago, the only transgender issue being talked about was where folks could pee. Oddly enough, Donald Jessica led the way. The Olympic gold medalist Caitlyn Jenner, nee Bruce Jenner, came out as transgender in 2015. A year later, North Carolina enacted a “bathroom law.” When asked about this, the future president answered that people should simply use “the bathroom that they feel is appropriate”. Hey, you go girl!

After relieving herself in the ladies at Trump Tower, Brenner posted a video about the experience. She gave a special shout out to Ted Cruz, assuring him that “Nobody got molested.”

More recently, Jenner has complained that she can no longer use her passport. Who knew one little letter could have so much power?

All this tsuris about proper bathroom protocol seems a bit quaint. Within the past month or so, Bobby Jr.’s Department of Health and Human Services released a report claiming transgender people are an “ideological accelerant” for criminality and violence. Really? There are way more crooks in the felon-in-chief’s orbit than there are transgender women in the WNBA. And how many native born cisgender male American citizens kill their women? Talk about looking for crime in all the wrong places.

Some of my best friends are Christian. I try to tread lightly when talking about that whole Jesus business, but I wasn’t always that careful. Back in second grade I had a discussion with two classmates: one Catholic and the other Protestant. I just couldn’t get through to them – the Messiah is supposed to bring peace, not die. It was explained to me that Jesus was watching us and would come back in his own good time. What’s more, when he did, everyone would be Christian. The two locked eyes and agreed that they weren’t sure if that meant Catholicism or Protestantism, but it was clear that the Jews would have to get with the program.

We share a lot of scripture with Christians, although they order the books somewhat differently, include some we don’t, and don’t adhere to the Masoretic text. We do indeed have very different views on Moshiach. Most of the Jewish authors I’ve read insist that this whole dying and rising business was retrofitted after the fact. But Daniel Boyarin, whose cousin attends our shul, points to various apocryphal works and other writings floating around during the Second Temple period and concludes the Apostles had good reason to expect a resurrection. So go figure.

I occasionally attend church with my Roman Catholic besherta, and there is always a reading from the Tanach. Of course, they call it the Old Testament. The celebrant makes it all sound so very Christian. It turns out that every reference to water and wood foreshadow baptism and the cross. I guess that’s covered under the 70 faces.

Here’s a word to the wise: if you’re ever at an interfaith luncheon, don’t get sucked into a discussion of Isaiah 7:14. That passage clearly foreshadows the virgin birth. Or it does nothing of the sort. It all depends on the translation. Just don’t go there.

Oddly enough, Jewish maftirs read haftarah from Isaiah 18 times, but 7:14 is never included. Perhaps the rabbis felt it was too close for comfort.

Here’s a topic you might want to avoid in my presence – it’s sure to trigger me. For far too long, Jews have been plagued by the Blood Libel, which posits that Jews need Christian blood to make matzah. Many of us have died because of this lie. There was the Damascus Affair, Mendel Beilis in Russia, and too many others to list out. Surely some still believe it.

I hardly know where to start. As a people, we seem to be totally grossed out by blood. Both men and women are supposed to immerse in a mikvah to purify their bodies from the disgusting stuff. When sacrificing animals, the Torah instructs us to poor out the blood onto the ground like water. We must kasher our ritually slaughtered glatt kosher meat by salting and soaking it to get the last drop of hemoglobin out of it.

And then there’s this:

Like a good Jewish boy, I spend every Christmas Eve in a Chinese restaurant. At least I used to before I married, you know, one of them. In any event, I’m quite used to the food.

Except, one time I went with my officemates to a restaurant in Chinatown. Seated at a nearby table, some other diners were being served something that looked like dark red jello. A colleague helpfully pointed out that this was called duck blood curd. Be still my Jewish stomach!

So please, keep your Christian blood out of my afikomen.

A few years ago, Mr. Melania claimed that immigrants were poisoning the blood of our country. That sounds like it’s straight out of Mein Kampf.

Trumpty Dumpty had his own spin. He had never even read the book, and in any event, he meant it in a very different way. He was, in fact, the opposite of a Nazi. So there’s that.

When criticized by Paul Krugman for his disgusting immigration rhetoric, Donny Boy explained that it was that deranged bum Krugman who had committed the blood libel by accusing him of committing the blood libel. As in, I know you are, but what am I?

The Book of Isaiah contains four poems about the Suffering Servant. Jews read this as referring to the people of Israel. Christians claim it’s about Jesus. I don’t really know that much about this controversy, so I will turn to a highly respected scholar, the crybully-in-chief: “There has never been a president who has been so unfairly treated as I have”; “I am being persecuted”; and “I’m a political prisoner”.

So, Dozy Don as our Redeemer and Saviour? Oy! That must be a fake midrash. It’s more like “Apocalypse Now” or possibly “Pee-Wee's Big Adventure”. Would you believe, “Little Shop of Horrors”?

Then there’s the notion that the Jews killed Jesus, which is a pile of dreck. For starters, the Synoptic Gospels present a hopelessly distorted impression of the Parushim, aka the Pharisees. Jesus was presumably turned over to the Romans by the High Priest Caiaphas and the wealthy Sadducean aristocracy, a tiny minority of the population. But the Romans did the crucifying, and they just loved dispatching troublemakers. And this nonsense about Pontius Pilate washing his hands of the whole matter? Oh, please. Washing hands was a Jewish thing, and Pilate hated, just hated everything Jewish.

Interestingly, our sages talked a lot of smack about the Sadducees. If the Christian clerics who burned the Talmud instead had read the thing, they might have gotten a clue. But no matter.

Which brings us to the legend of the Wandering Jew. Presumably, some Jew, possibly Caiaphas himself, was taunting Jesus while he suffered on the cross. Jesus said to him, “Tarry thou till I come” and the poor Jew was cursed to wander zombie-like throughout the world until the Second Coming.

So there is no misunderstanding, Jesus never said anything like this. It’s just a legend. But a legend that contributed to vast Jewish suffering.

Fun fact: the use of the word “wandering” derives from a mistranslation of a Chaldean cognate tucked inside an ancient Aramaic document. The legend should be about the Migrating Jew.

OK, I made up the bit about the Chaldean cognate, but it’s apropos. Jews don’t wander – we migrate. Indeed, we’ve been migrating since Lech Lecha. We are the world’s oldest migrants. You might even say that we are heritage migrants. This leaves me filled with toxic empathy for the persecuted migrants, the undocumented, the properly documented, the US citizens, and all the other worst of the worst being terrorized by the masked men of ICE with their electric gloves. It makes my Jewish heart bleed.

For all the manufactured outrage surrounding the issue of immigration, it can be hard to know what to believe. For starters, most of those yearning to breathe free are working jobs no one else will take. Worse, Fat Elvis, I mean, Fat Donald is pushing this canard about an out-of-control migrant crime wave. One of my treasured friends told me that he had heard something about this that really disturbed him. Well, there’s a technical term for what he heard. Since I always like to show off my vocabulary, here it is. You’ve been handed a crock of shit.

Cadet Bonespurs likes to bloviate about a young woman killed in a traffic accident which involved an undocumented person, and that’s horrible. This tragedy was made into a commercial without her parents’ approval, and they are forced to relive that sad day whenever it appears on television.

And just as bad, if not worse: a young man was killed in a shooting, also involving someone without proper permission to be in this country. His father was persuaded to appear in a commercial that was ostensibly about decreasing gun violence. When he learned that it was a political ad, he complained about being manipulated.

Many studies, including those conducted by the federal government, have always shown that immigrants, regardless of status, are less likely to be involved in violent crime than American citizens. Anyone who doesn’t accept this – well, remember that crock I mentioned?

And I know what those knuckle-dragging incels are thinking: don’t confuse us with facts!

It’s impossible to discuss immigration without getting into race. It can be a very touchy subject, one not to be mentioned in better circles. Just look at the American entertainment industry. Up until the 1950’s, if a movie included a black character out of history or fiction, some white person would be cast for the role. They wouldn’t even have bothered to apply blackface. On the other hand, if it were a production of Othello, they would use blackface. But the exception proves the rule.

It started to change in the 1960’s. For example, take the Dick Van Dyke show. This takes a bit of explaining. In one episode, Rob convinces Laura that their baby had been switched for another family’s baby at the hospital. This is resolved at the end of the show when the other family shows up and is, you guessed it, Black. Very funny. They didn’t say the family was Black; it was more of a sight gag.

Twilight Zone had at least a dozen major Black characters. But then, Rod was always ahead of his time.

Of course, the mechitza was totally shattered by Star Trek’s bring-me-my-smelling-salts interracial kiss between Lieutenant Uhuru and Captain Kirk. Of course, Nichelle Nichols was totally hot.

Anyone whining about DEI or CRT is either brain-dead or pretending to be. Which is not to say that reasonable minds can disagree about a few things. My Dear Old Dad - who was eight feet, no twelve feet, no twenty-six feet tall – expressed some concern that things like affirmative action, preferences, and set-asides seemed a little like quotas, which have been historically used to exclude Jews.

I imagine that there are plenty of questionable policies intended to level the playing field or make up for past discrimination, but those are mostly small potatoes. (Where have I heard that phrase recently?) Still, as anyone can tell you, it’s just like the camel’s nose. You started with the dreaded reverse discrimination, and before you know it,  you end up with White Genocide.

Whatever those questionable policies, how do they compare to slavery, segregation, and Jim Crow? More recently, there’s redlining and restrictive covenants, which prevented Black families from taking advantage of the mortgage interest rate deduction. This in turn made it nearly impossible for these families to create generational wealth.

Today we still have different incarceration rates, different exposures to stop and frisk, different access to quality elementary education, and maybe one or two other things I’ve missed.

Bungalow Donnie claims to be the least racist person you’ll ever meet and has been better for blacks than Abraham Lincoln. Not that it matters in this context, he also told an audience of auto workers in Michigan that he probably did more for them than their parents. But all that makes as much sense as anything else he says.

A more reasonable point has been made by recent immigrants and anyone else born after most of the worst abuses. To wit, I wasn’t even born then. How could I have any responsibility for any of this? Maybe you don’t. But you’re here now, and you must take the liabilities along with the assets.

The blood and soil types like to go on about American Exceptionalism, but they typically don’t mention the Voting Rights Act of 1965. That is certainly the finest example of American Exceptionalism.  A striking victory for a persecuted minority, won through nonviolence. Of course, the same could not be said of the opposition. Only in America!

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, whom one of our past rabbi’s loved to quote; Rabbi Joachim Prinz, who fled the Nazis; and Andrew Goodman, a Freedom Rider who was killed by the Ku Klux Klan were all Jews who fought for Civil Rights. We should honor their memory.

But now Black voting rights are being diminished. These changes in law typically use neutral language, but there is an undeniable disparate impact.

Reparations is one of the wokest concepts around, and it’s important to discuss even though it’s probably politically impossible. I am concerned about it being used as a wedge issue.

Chattel slavery in the American South was worse than anything in the Bible. Devarim 15:13 has this to say about the matter: “And when you set him free from you, you shall not let him go empty-handed.” Of course, that was referring to Hebrew slaves, but I heartily agree with our Reformed Jewish brothers and sisters who insist on more universal interpretations.

After the Civil War ended, there was some talk about 40 acres and a mule. Of course, that never happened. Even if it did, much Black wealth was either stolen or destroyed over the next hundred years.

The largest difficulty I see about reparations today is determining who is entitled. When the Federal government compensated Japanese Americans interned during World War 2, it went to those who had been interned, which is not possible in the context of reparations for slavery. But if it is difficult to determine actual descendants of slaves after 200 years, how about descendants of Israelites 2000 years after exile? Does mean that Israel’s Law of Return is woke?

It can also be a bit tricky discussing Israel in some circles, even with ostensible friends and allies. As I mentioned Rabbi Heschel was a big supporter of the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s. Immediately after Black September’s massacre of Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics, Heschel reached out to some of the leaders of the Movement in the hopes of issuing a joint statement of condemnation. Sadly, they demurred, and Heschel was heartbroken.

Hamas attacked on October 7, killing 1200 Jews and Gentiles as well as raping an unknown number of women. I remember hearing hateful voices announcing that whatever came next was Israel’s fault, and this was before the IDF sent troops into Gaza. Now, I don’t want any of those as friends, allies, or even acquaintances.

But here are two names sure to harsh the mellow of your next seder: Zohran Mamdani and Abdul El-Sayad.

Mamdani has talked about “globalizing the intifada”. After the March 2026 attack on Temple Israel in Michigan, El-Sayad said that “hurt people hurt people”. This has led to many calls for those on my side of the great red/blue divide to repudiate these two, along with several others. Now let’s go to the video tape.

Generalissimo Douglas MacTrumpster has revoked security clearances from many of his mortal enemies. But he has granted access to the Big Apple’s mayor to classified briefings about security threats and other emergencies impacting New York City. Look: if Mamdani has a Nobel Peace Prize runner-up on his side, who am I to judge?

Recently, when El-Sayad was speaking at a Michigan church, a heckler asked him about taking more from that hook-nosed wire-pulling Jew George Soros. It almost sounds as if El-Sayad is one of those fiends in “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.” Hey, he’s practically a landsman!

For what it’s worth, I’m more J Street than AIPAC, but you probably already suspected that. Yes, a lot of what Mamdani and El-Sayad have said is horrible, although not quite as much taken in the context of the larger points they were making. Still, they’ve been conducting outreach and meeting with Jewish leaders to address their concerns.

None of this is enough, but it seems like a start, so watch this space. Meanwhile, let’s compare this to the Matron of Mar-a-Lago. Has he ever repudiated Nicholas Fuentes, Tucker Carlson, or any other antisemites who adore him? Of course, the whole Iran thing has given Tuckums some second thoughts.

David Duke was the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. When Trump was asked about Duke’s endorsement in 2016, he responded: “I don’t know anything about David Duke, OK? I don’t know anything about what you’re even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists.” I’m just saying, but that doesn’t quite work for me.

At the “Unite The Right” rally in 2017, marchers were carrying torches and shouted, “Jews will not replace us!” One of them stood outside a synagogue holding an assault weapon. When the President was asked about the day’s violence, he talked about the very fine people on both sides. Just a little misunderstanding.

During the Great Patriotic Insurgency of January 6, some of Trump’s people were wearing “Camp Auschwitz” t-shirts. I imagine some of those guys got pardons.

Remember that bit about immigrants poisoning the blood of our country? As far as I know, that sort of almost walk back was as close Dopy Donald ever got to an apology.

I should also mention this. On February 25, 1994, Baruch Goldstein went to the Ibrahimi Mosque, which is part of the Cave of the Patriarchs, and opened fire on Palestinian Muslim worshippers who were praying during Ramadan. He killed 29 and wounded 125. This horror took place on Purim.

Itamar Ben-Gvir is currently Israel's Minister of National Security. He has a picture of Baruch Goldstein hanging in this office. I suppose outrage depends on whose ox is being gored. And as some Jew said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye?”

We should call out any bigotry, and especially Islamophobia. It bears repeating again and again and again: if anyone is unsafe, then every Jew is in danger.

We don’t seem to talk about the presidential narcissist in courteous and respectful company. I suppose that some of us aren’t that obsessed with current events. Others do care about the news but are so frustrated and depressed that they just don’t want to hear anything about it. Certainly, there are well-meaning people of good will who really like the human shit stain. Another treasured friend even complains about all the Democrats in his shul. And we do need to keep the temperature down. After all, heaven forfend that there should ever be any discord in a synagogue. Never had it, never will.

We live in different worlds with different perspectives and information diets. I really don’t see how anybody can tolerate the corruption, cruelty, and incompetence of this manicky Fascist cult of personality. I know that some say, okay, at least one says, that America is living through a golden age. But Madame Donald demands all the credit for anything good and eschews all responsibility for anything not so good. When will we drain the swamp? And why does the Prima Donnie hate America?

There have been too many partisans in Jewish history who insist they own the one and only truth, so it makes me uncomfortable to say this. But how can a Jew be MAGA? Of course Steve Miller is the world’s worst Jew, but he’s still a Jew. Maybe he knows something that I don’t.

I hope I haven’t been too hard on La Grande Orange and his failing presidency. I told you I was a Mets fan.

Long live Big Sister! All hail Pump and Dump Trump!

Consider German Jewry in the 1930’s. Sadly, I don’t think they could have done anything to save themselves. From what I’ve read, much of the community didn’t want to make too much noise in response to the rise of Hitlerism. Just keep your head down, have a few notables pay some bribes, and hope for the worst to pass. For much of Jewish history, that had been the only possible choice. And they might even have had good reason to hope. Despite the sickness of National Socialism, Germany had a proud history of humanism: Gotthold Ephraim Lessing, Johannes Reuchlin, and others. Just fifty years earlier, Heinrich Graetz, a German Jewish historian, while acknowledging antisemitism, expressed great optimism about the Jewish future in Europe.

There was also an understandable concern for unity. After all, antisemites shouldn’t be given a chance to exploit Jewish divisiveness. Which brings us to Max Naumann.

Naumann founded the League of Nationalist German Jews and tried to find areas of agreement with the Nazis. For example, he had no use for those trashy, uncultured, red necked eastern European Jews. Alas, that would include all my ancestors going back several centuries.

He fought for the right to fly the Nazi flag, which was verboten for Jews. When he addressed his organization’s gatherings, he was flanked by tough guys wearing black uniforms. Picture, if you will, Jewish Stormtroopers. Now, try to unpicture that. Good luck.

In 1935, his League of Nationalist German Jews was dissolved by the Gestapo. He was then arrested but released after a few weeks. Ultimately, he died of cancer on May 18, 1939 – a relatively natural death for a Jew during the Shoah.

Max Naumann – may his memory be for a blessing and for a warning.

Having started with Rabbinics, let me end with Torah. This is from Devarim 16:20:

צֶדֶק צֶדֶק תִּרְדֹּף

Justice, justice you shall pursue.

Now, go and study.